A large company has today taken the edge of its employees’ anguish at working for the minimum wage at the most expensive time of year by making them wear Christmas hats.

In a memo to all employees a spokesman for the company’s senior management and directors said “We’re not giving you a pay rise or a Christmas bonus, as that might affect year on year growth. But as we’ll be giving ourselves both of these things, we’re going to make sure everyone celebrates. We’re going to fucking well make you jolly about it.

“Non-Christmas hat wearing employees will of course be subject to disciplinary action. Your selfish actions might damage the company’s brand and of course you’ll ruin Christmas for everyone.”

Indeed a press release from the company’s communications manager said “We have soooo much fun where we work! I think everyone will agree we’re just so much fun, and…