Nepal a horrific tragedy but a photo op for the occasional idiot.

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10 Things Not To Do At The Gym

Gym 

There’s lots of good advice available on what to do at the Gym. This is what you probably shouldn’t do….

1] Join a Gym

No seriously, a Gym has absolutely no health benefits whatsoever, you cannot get fitter or lose weight there. It’s the exercise when you are at the Gym that does this. So if you not going to go there regularly and work out basis, save your money

 2] Ignore Your Health

If you are going to join a Gym for the social kudos of being able to say ‘I have Gym membership’ and then only use their spa facilities and café you have no need to seek medical advice so long as you keep the chocolate cake and frappe consumption to reasonable levels.

If however you are intending going from sloth to super fit in weeks you may just want to run it by a medical expert. Douglas Adams, the brilliant author of the Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy sadly passed away exercising in a Gym at a mere 49 so be warned!

 3] Forget Hygiene

To get fit you are going to have to work out and raise a sweat and you will give off body odour. Unless you are the Tooth Fairy or Spiderman it will be a whiffy sort of smell. So  wear deodorant and it probably best to hide those armpits.The clue is when you realise no one ever uses the machines next to you.

4] Sip Water

If you are thirsty, have a drink. There is absolutely no need to take a sip every thirty seconds as it’s not necessary. All you need to do is replace the liquid that you have sweated out so there’s no need to carry round that 2 litre bottle of triple-purified, Elderflower scented organic Alp water taking ostentatious sips between each lift of the 0.5 Kg dumbbell.

 5] Forget a ‘wipe off’ towel

While we are on the subject of sweating, such a nice subject, please remember that this precious liquid is yours and yours only and should never be shared with anyone you don’t know intimately and then only in private.

Therefore should any drop of sweat from your perspiring extremities leave your body then use a towel to wipe it off the machine surfaces after you have finished. You could bring a can of Mr Cleaney with you but this is considered over the top.

6] Use the equipment incorrectly

Check the equipment out and ask for help if it’s not clear what to do. Or if you are very shy watch someone else use it (don’t stare with your mouth open as this is also considered bad form) and then copy what they did.

Note; if you try something and it is a] too heavy b] too fast c] won’t move, then stop and adjust. If that doesn’t work move discretely to the next station. Next time you are by that machine go back to the beginning of the first paragraph and follow the advice in the first sentence.

7] Give up easily 

Working out is good for getting fitter and losing weight. But you need to put some effort in. The clue here is feeling more tired physically leaving the gym than when you came in. This means you will have exercised your muscles and burnt off some fat and calories. The more effort; the better the results.

For weight loss, 2lbs a week is considered by experts to be a reasonable rate of change. By my calculation an average 12st man will weigh nothing in around a year and a half so there is no need to sign up your Gym membership for more than a year.

How about Yoga? Researchers in one study found that those who started out overweight but did at least one session of yoga a week lost about 5lb over ten years. Which means you need around 330 years to achieve weightlessness using Yoga.

8] Buy the latest, expensive, branded gym wear

Are you here for a fashion show or looking for a mate? Research has also shown that £100 tops or running vests do not make you run faster or lose weight quicker.

They simply highlight you as a newbie or someone not confident about their appearance. Get over it. We’re all here because we foolishly think we can eventually become supermodels or at least head-turners. So save your cash and wear something loose and comfortable that will survive multiple washes. The latter helps with point 3] as well.

9] Use your phone

It is never ever acceptable to use your phone in the gym. That means no voice calls, texting or emails. Yes, you can listen to music from it.

If your life is so thin that you feel you have to be multitasking when you should be focused on one thing, getting fitter, then mentally you are unlikely to achieve your physical goals. You’ll never hit the Zone, find the body and mind working in parallel or discover what a good workout can really feel like. Plus it’s irritating and distracting to other users. So leave the phone in the locker.

10] Show your naked body to everyone

Obviously not in the Gym itself as this is likely to cause consternation and could also cause serious harm with people firing backwards off running machines and dropping weights onto their toes.

This refers to the changing room. If you are removing clothes to change or go to the shower do it discretely. No need to be the virgin on the beach and wrap towels around you, just get changed. But don’t be you 5 year-old self and wander around the changing room with your bits on display until you naturally dry off. No-one wants to see this. If you are a natural extrovert and want some attention go to the other changing room where the men/women there will give you all the attention that you require.

(Written on mobile phone, whilst in Gym cafe as I forgot my designer towel and was also feeling fat, hot and sweaty ……and yup I was naked…)

Top 10 Toughest Interview Questions for 2015 in the UK

Salary!! You want a Salary??

Salary!! You want a Salary??

Job candidates must be prepared for anything during an interview. That’s why Glassdoor has combed through thousands of interview questions shared by UK job candidates over the past year to compile its list of Top 10 Tough Interview Questions asked in the UK

(1)  “Can you calculate how many tennis balls are used during the course of Wimbledon?”  Asked at Accenture.

(2)  “Estimate the total number of cars in the UK.”                                                             Asked at Barclays Capital.

(3) “How many calories are in a grocery store?”                                                               Asked at Google.

(4) “How would you sell a fridge to an eskimo?                                                                 Asked at Harrods.

(5) “What would you take to a lonely island with you and why?”                                        Asked at Urban Outfitters.

(6) “Is Batman a super hero?”                                                                                             Asked at AlphaSights

(7) “You have 17 red and 17 blue balls, and you remove 2 at a time. If the two are the same colour, add in one extra blue ball. If they are different colours, add in an extra red ball. What colour is the final ball removed?”                                                                          Asked at Geonomics.

(8) “What cartoon character would you be and why                                                            Asked at ASDA.

(9) “What is the wildest thing you have done?”                                                                     Asked at Metro Bank.

(10) “What was your opinion of the film Blair Witch Project?”                                                Asked at Jefferies & Company.

I can only suggest that you try to answer the smug gits as a smack on the mouth will often offend………

The 10 most stressful things for a Brit

These were the top 10 things everyday emergencies Britons found stressful:

1. Not being able to sleep (46 per cent)

2. Losing your keys (37 per cent)

3. Being stuck in traffic when already late (35 per cent)

4. Losing an important paper or document (33 per cent)

5. Nowhere to park (32 per cent)

6. Printer not working when you need to print something (31 per cent)

7. Running out of battery on your phone whilst out (31 per cent)

8. Discovering you are out of toilet roll whilst on the loo (30 per cent)

9. Dealing with machine operated customer service (26 per cent)

10. Forgetting your bank card when paying for an item (25 per cent)

Anything else that’s been missed? Let us know…

stress-picture-stress-relief-kit

Direct Line polled 2,005 UK adults to investigate why some common things can be so stressful, in research done in conjunction with Goldsmiths University

How to feel happier……

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It is possible to feel slightly happier every day – for free. That’s according to Dr Teresa Belton, an education expert and the author of Happier People Healthier Planet

1. List five things for which you are grateful – whether big things or small

“For example I live in a country where there’s easy access to clean, running water; I can read and write; it was good to see the shop assistant’s smile this morning; I just caught the post with my urgent letter. Doing this every week for ten weeks has a real effect: research has shown that this practice results in lasting, measurable increases in wellbeing, as it gets us into the habit of seeing our life through a positive lens.”

2. Give stuff away

“Creating space by de-cluttering relieves stress and gives us a feeling of lightness; giving away possessions, donating them to charity, rather than selling them, is a form of generosity and being generous makes us feel good. Look through your belongings and get rid of things that you just don’t use.”

3. Go for a walk in woods or fields, or visit your local park

“Time spent in green surroundings has been shown time and again to be calming and restorative. Even a green view is beneficial. If you can’t see any trees or shrubs from your window buy some plants for indoors.”

4. Invite someone to tea

“Or offer to help your neighbour with their garden, leaking pipe, shopping, etc.; take up regular voluntary work. Social connectedness, a sense of community, feeling needed, and making a positive difference in the world all contribute a great deal to our own satisfaction with life.”

5. Get stuck into something

“Active engagement is a major factor in personal wellbeing and if you really enjoy your chosen activity and it stretches you a bit you will lose yourself in it and experience a wonderful sense of “flow”, forgetting about yourself in solo endeavours and feeling closer ties to others in collaborative ones.”

6. Fix a time and ring a friend for a good long chat

“People who have a number of friends with whom they can discuss things that are important to them are much happier than those who can’t or don’t. Having cordial relationships, whether with family, friends, neighbours, colleagues or fleeting acquaintances, is fundamental to personal wellbeing.”

7. Be playful

“Playfulness brings new possibilities, creativity, practical solutions, aesthetic pleasure, interest, new skills and achievement.”

8. Take charge

“Make a decision or take an action you have been putting off. Feeling in control of one’s life and being proactive is important for subjective wellbeing.”

9. Get physical

“Physical activity gets us out of our heads and generates endorphins which make us feel good; dig the garden, cycle, walk or dance.”

10: Give this list a try..

But if this doesn’t work, Professor Gotta Listovten suggests applying to the University of Life and taking a degree in the Bleedin’ Obvious and then have another go.

Next week….10 ways to become Super Rich (for a copy please send £1000 to address below)

The True Meaning of Easter……

However you spend your Easter break, it’s likely to feature one thing: chocolate.

According to this chart from Statista, which uses data from a Vouchercode survey, British children will consume 8,000 extra calories in Easter eggs over the four-day period – no mean feat.

And while 65 per cent of people think about chocolate when they think of Easter, only 12 per cent think of Jesus.

Easter

Jeremy Clarkson reforms and goes Green

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Jeremy Clarkson joins Guardian drive for fossil fuel divestment | Media | The Guardian

Top Gear presenter says being sacked by the BBC was a ‘wake-up call’ as he joins host of celebrities backing climate change campaign.

The disgraced former Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson has become the latest celebrity to support the Guardian’s campaign for fossil fuel divestment.

Following what he described as a “dark night of the soul”, Clarkson said he hoped to “regain the trust of the British public” by dedicating his time and financial resources to sustainable energy, road safety and forging mutual understanding and tolerance between people of different cultures and religions.

Jeremy Clarkson joins Guardian drive for fossil fuel divestment | Media | The Guardian.

The news was first reported on Wed April 1st