Monthly Archives: December 2015

Trump Is a Turkey That Needs Stuffing

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Bud L Winchester telexed from over the pond to say that Donald Chump, a founder member of the U.S.A’s Institute of  Mediocre Management, would be delighted to accept an award from the UK Institute as our 2015 ‘Maximus Stultum, Minimis Cerebra. 

For those who don’t know Dick Chump, the biography on his website reads:

Donald J. Trump is the very definition of the American success story, continually setting the standards of excellence while expanding his interests in real estate, sports, and entertainment. He is the archetypal businessman –– a deal maker without peer.

He has stated:

“”My father was my mentor, and I learned a tremendous amount about every aspect of the construction industry from him.”” Likewise, Fred C. Trump often stated that “”some of my best deals were made by my son, Donald…everything he touches seems to turn to gold.”” 

trump

So would be ‘Apprentices’ learn from the master if you want to earn a small fortune, earn a large fortune and give it to Dolly A Frump.

But the Igot D Hump skills encompass both climate expertise;

“The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive.”

and a deep understanding of the type of person that runs for presidential office

“One of the key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace. Good people don’t go into government.”

So we can all take heart from Dobbin Z Mumps, that if he can still persuade millions of people to part with their money and even vote for him, then truly that is the proof that nothing is impossible to achieve.

trump-bankrupt-america

Trump comp

Company lightens minimum wage hell with compulsory Christmas hats

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Memo to CEO: Employees should purchase their own hats after all they get the happiness free and experience this in company time.

News Toad

santa hat minimum wage

A large company has today taken the edge of its employees’ anguish at working for the minimum wage at the most expensive time of year by making them wear Christmas hats.

In a memo to all employees a spokesman for the company’s senior management and directors said “We’re not giving you a pay rise or a Christmas bonus, as that might affect year on year growth. But as we’ll be giving ourselves both of these things, we’re going to make sure everyone celebrates. We’re going to fucking well make you jolly about it.

“Non-Christmas hat wearing employees will of course be subject to disciplinary action. Your selfish actions might damage the company’s brand and of course you’ll ruin Christmas for everyone.”

Indeed a press release from the company’s communications manager said “We have soooo much fun where we work! I think everyone will agree we’re just so much fun, and…

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Redundancy, its the Sound of Xmas!

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My dear colleague, Donald Trumpington III, the CEO at International Systems Integrated Software headquartered out of Syria (for tax reasons, I understand) has just re-organised the company in order to prop up Management’s request for an increased bonus this year.

He has kindly offered to share his company’s new organisation chart with us all.

Org chart

The usual 10% of his minions will get the heave-ho in order to generate sufficient profit, but as its Xmas, they are usually mentally prepared for being cast aside into the howling winds of despair and despondency. To ease their pain, dear Donald has allowed them to come to the first hour of the office party for a soft drink and a mince pie. If they stayed later they would just hoover up the atmosphere for the rest of the team with their long faces and whingeing.

There’s some more good news! I.M.M. members are invited to apply for a new role at I.S.I.S, which reports directly into the VP of Fear, Dotty Beaver, Dotty as you may recall provided us with her festive Roast Kitten recipe last year.

JD

Please attach a C.V., cover letter and send a magnum of Bolly to the Club where applications will be evaluated based on who you know rather than on merit.

Note: I.S.I.S. do actively discriminate on almost every form of deviation from the norm so if you do not; look like, behave like, act like, the typical average, underperforming, middle management muppet, then don’t waste the postage.