Trump v Clinton – was the real thing funnier?

 

“324 million people resident in the U.S. and the best two candidates for the most powerful person in the world are both clinically insane”.  This was the plot for my rejected screenplay, described as fantastical and farcical. My next project in development is Transgender Clown assassinates Putin with exploding smart phone.

Sven Spoolberg – Movie Director

via Hope n’ Change — Vermont Loon Watch

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How To Really Irritate Your Colleagues

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Our future Business Leaders gather for an away day strategy retreat

According to recent research there are a number of phrases that irritate the hell out of the majority of normal people. Further research suggests that around half of the people who use these phrases are the usual Office Plonkers whilst the other half are Office Plonker Baiters.

These OFBs are our leaders of the future who are showing the early signs of being irritating, irresponsible and invidious – the 3i’s of middle, menial and mediocre management that eventual develop into a full blown 3M management strategy (Me, Me, Me).

We are here of course to help out people from ‘C’ level all the way down to the lower level Mediocre Management tiers so here are a few phrases, for those aspiring to manage, that will curdle the brains of your colleagues and will help pass a long winter afternoon or enliven a meeting.

Phrases guaranteed to irritate your colleagues:

  • Can I borrow you for a sec? (13%)
  • How long is a piece of string? (11%)
  • Think outside the box (11%)
  • Teamwork, dreamwork (11%)
  • Keep me in the loop (9%)
  • Win-win (9%)
  • Pick your brains (8%)
  • I’m stacked (8%)
  • Blue sky thinking (8%)
  • Just playing devil’s advocate (8%)

However a word of warning never the use the phrases listed below as these are only used by Office Plonkers. OPs spouting cliches are to be kept well clear of as they will drain the very life force from your caffeine addicted persona and leave it as a moist patch on the office carpet to be trampled on by all who pass you by.

Irritating online expressions people say in the workplace

  • OMG (26%)
  • LOL (19%)
  • FYI (12%)
  • Epic fail (10%)
  • Cringe (8%)
  • Swag (6%)
  • YOLO (5%)
  • On point / on fleek (4%)
  • For the win (4%)
  • That’s cray (3%)

If cornered the best thing to ask an OP for is an ‘Enhanced Assessment Methodology’ implying that it was a request from their line manager’s manager.

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(c) Scott Adams