Employees are a profit centre if managed correctly

The I.M.M. recently brought in a Change Management consultant to review our employment philosophy guidelines and he came up with a ‘New Thinking’ proposal. As the precocious stripey-shirted oik was charging us a significant percentage of the National Debt per day to come up with this information, initially we had to take it seriously. His report, a 521 page Powerpoint ‘deck’, remains unread, it’s mostly a cut and paste for something he did for B.P., but we did read the executive summary. Well most of it anyway.

Rufus , our MBA qualified Intern has now transposed this onto a single slide with the Institute’s comments. We apologise for the tardiness of the response but our Chairman was concerned about the font and the shade of red used and whether this was ‘on brand’ or not.

New thinking

As you can see from the above,  we will be continuing to used the tried and tested I.M.M. thinking which has worked very well for our members, mostly ‘C’ level execs who all successfully rode out the recession. This thinking is also supported by the vast majority of the FTSE 250 roster whose executive pay has also managed to keep pace with top end house price and luxury car inflation which is awful. “Oh to live in a two up two down in Bolton, so much less hassle” is a common refrain at the Club.

The New Thinking concept is prevalent mainly in new start up companies that tend to locate themselves in Shoreditch (in an industrial estate bordered by an abattoir and London’s largest squat). They all sit on Bean Bags full of Fairtrade Llama fur and play table football while eating Quinoa wraps. It’s a wonder they find time to drag their brains from FaceChat to do any work.

In the end, the only person to make any dosh out of this type of enterprise, will be the founder and his mate. Having borrowed 13 squillion pounds to create an App that links together people who have an unhealthy interest in Armadillos with others who are similarly inclined but also vegan, they then sell out to a multinational techie conglomerate who are desperate to acquire the next new thing and have plenty of spare cash because they don’t pay any taxes.

Therefore our conclusion, unanimously agreed over a rather pleasant lunch at our corporate hospitality box was to leave things as is.  Far less work.

Change

Brian’s report, which he has now modified, to reflect what we thought in the first place,  is available to all our members. It is on the website but of course we can fax it over if you prefer and for our luddite contingent a typed transcript is also available. For really busy Thought Leaders a single 3 bullet point summary may also be requested.

Advertisements

Special Offer! 50% off print version! Guaranteed 50% increase in your income after reading this book!*

Book Fan small

 

Click here to get 50% 0ff the published price 

HOW TO GET TO THE TOP WITHOUT WORKING TOO HARD

Dick Lannister

If you think the term 􏰀low-hanging fruit􏰁 should describe a soft object that hits you on the head as you walk through an orchard, rather than a business opportunity that is easy to deliver, then you will love this book!

The Master of Corporate Administration (MCA) covers key topics such as finance, marketing, projects and presentations. It’s a course guaranteed to set readers on the path to financial rewards, power and share options, by answering a variety of questions that include:

Why do CEOs with a 4-year contract always have 5-year plans?
Is a liability a financial metric or a description of the leadership team?
How can an inanimate object like a company have corporate values?

How To Get To The Top Without Working Too Hard provides a humorous look at the business and professional world. It’s the perfect, light-hearted read for anyone who wants to get to the top… and fast!

 

*this should read 50% increase in MY income. Apologies for any inconvenience caused

 

 

 

To Brexit or not to Brexit that is the question?

Here at the Institute we have been asked by our members should we stay or should we leave the European Union. The answer of course is that we will be backing the winning side. To decide now would be to rashly forfeit establishment goodwill, future business opportunities and a potential Knighthood or CBE if one made a mistake.

It is too early to say who is winning but to help our members and our blog readers, especially those who do not live in our Gloriously Scented Isle, we will be providing some background information on the campaigns and the personalities involved.

In essence all the opposition parties and most of their supporters are broadly in favour of staying in so politically this is an internal bun fight within the Tory party. For the voters then its a choice between believing the P.M. Dave ‘Flashman’ Cameron (Stay) or a group of has-been middle England Ministers led by Boris ‘BoJo’ Johnson (Leave)

leave 2

The Tory ‘Gang of Six’  team backing Brexit. Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, Goofy, Pluto, Donald Duck and the other one

First off let’s look at one of the leading campaigners for the Leave campaign:

BORIS JOHNSON: 

On the ‘We don’t like Johnny Foreigner’ side is Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, Eton, Oxford, the outgoing Mayor of London and an MP. Variously described by his friends, as self centred, arrogant and focussed on self aggrandisement, he has taken this stance to ally himself with the 50% or more of the Tory Party who want out of the EU and who may well then vote him in as the next leader of the Tory Party. (What’s not to like about that? – Ed)

Once Britain has left the E.U. Boris’s master plan is for the UK, which will end up being England only as the rest of the Union will devolve,  to then ally itself to the USA, run in all likelihood by then by Trump Industries. This Axis of Weasels will then try to rule the world.

Of course as this will probably mean low or no taxes for the wealthy elite we at the I.M.M. are very much in favour of this master plan if it looks likely to succeed. It would also be most amusing to see our English underprivileged masses attempt to migrate across to Europe to take up low paid jobs there. We won’t tolerate ‘Jungle’ type camps at Dover though.

When compare side by side there is a distinct similarity between The Donald and BoJo, both in looks and personalities:

Boris and Trump

When you look at me, when you think of me, I am in paradise  – William Makepeace Thackeray

Both are mad as a box of frogs and are supported by the mad, bad and the terminally cross. Sadly there are lots of voters like that.

Boris said:  “You can’t rule out the possibility that, you know, beneath the carefully constructed veneer of a, you know, blithering idiot there lurks a blithering idiot”

Donald said:  “My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well documented, are various other parts of my body.”  

So is the UK better in or out? Or is the ‘End of Days’ approaching (see above) therefore does it really matter?

The E.U. for Dummies.

There is much confusion about the European Union and what it stands for. As the U.K. heads for a referendum on whether to stay or leave it is important that everyone is clear about what we will be voting about and the benefits or not of the existing status quo.

There is also confusion about what is; the United Kingdom, Great Britain and The British Isles and who of; England, Scotland, Ireland, Northern Ireland and Wales belongs to what.

The United Kingdom explained:

Screen Shot 2016-03-02 at 12.53.16

Still with us? Good. Now to explain the E.U. Some people think there is a common currency, no european borders and a common economic policy. They are wrong, it’s very simple though:

Europe explained:

Screen Shot 2016-03-02 at 12.30.15

What E.U. countries do have in common is the desire for financial advantage: The poorer countries extract as much money as they can from the richer countries who then demand that they then buy stuff from them with this money.

What every E.U. country is best at:

2015-01-23-EUCountryBestAt_1

Source: Huffington Post

What concerns Europe today?

Screen Shot 2016-03-02 at 13.45.01

Winston Churchill Won War Without Powerpoint

A recently released war office document showed that Winston liked to cut to the chase and read important stuff without have to plough through a ‘deck’ of 60 slides of guff designed to make the writer appear more intelligent than they were.

This was very helpful in winning the war as he didn’t need a steering committee to strategise the options and then form a working party to translate the Vision into a Mission Statement that could then be brought to the Board for consideration.

Corporate entities who want to react quickly and effectively should take note of his wise words below.

Winston